Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
