You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
