I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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