I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
