Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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