We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
