Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
