I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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