I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am midnight drunk by noon
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
