Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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