I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
