I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
