And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
BRING THE BAGELS
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
