You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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