I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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