Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
