I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
ttyl tear gas
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
