Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
