my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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