I skipped work to stalk him.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
