I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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