am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
