Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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