I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
