Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Randomize
