I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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