My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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