come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
