Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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