Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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