Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
