Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
