Don't you send me to vm
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
