They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
