three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
