nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I checked into jail on foursquare
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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