So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
