her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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