Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Randomize
