Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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