I am puke
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
