Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He has the fingertips of a God
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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