Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
