it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
