we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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