your thong is hanging out like whoa
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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