Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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