I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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