Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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