i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
