Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
